*These pictures WERE NOT done by me. I got them off of a website called DeviantArt.com. These pictures are by very talented people that go by the name of Ironshod and ShadowUmbre. You can find their work on said website.*

Wounds

And even though you hurt me,

Here I am once again.

I've told you so many times baby,

I'll always be your friend.

And if only you could've seen,

The wounds I'd try to mend,

You wouldn't have set me free,

You wouldn't have left me to defend.

And I pray that we'll never,

Again have to go through this strife.

And that you will never again sever,

My heart with your cruel knife.

And even though we're back together,

And I once again feel alive,
These wounds will last forever,
And teach me to survive.

So... yea. Julian and I got back together. I'm no longer a mess. :) So that's a good thing. I think I'm going to try to post some of my new poetry on here from now on...

?

Wow...

So it's been awhile.

Julian and I got back together.

And I didn't completley disappear off the Blogger website.

I just didn't post for awhile.

Anyways,

I've been typing messages kinda wierd recently.

Like, really wierd.

...

I took the ASFAB test.

Got an 82 on it.

The recruiter said it was really good.

And tried to get me to join the army.

Not for me.

...

I'm going to try to post some more.

And read my story again.

Life After I mean.

I don't even know where I am on it anymore.

I'm thinking about redoing the layout on it.

I don't know.

...

I've the best grades since I was in the 8th grade.

Almost all As.

Thats really good for me.

...

So I'll message later.

Maybe in a couple of minutes.

I think I'm sick

I thought it was true bliss
I thought you were the one
So imagine my suprise
When you told me we were done.
Everything was fine
Moving right along
We were close to a year
Too bad I was wrong.
So now I sit here
Knuckles bleeding, heart shattered
Too bad you don' have the balls
To tell me what was the matter.
I hope your happy
With the mess you've made
Cause I'm broken
And hold the worlds weight.


I hope your crying
Slowly rotting from the inside out.
Your heart is torn.
And is on the floor beating in front of you.
I hope you see your mistake
And break a knuckle against a wall
I hope you cant sleep tonight
And somebody steals me and makes me theirs
And your left alone.

Like how I am now

Can you tell me what I did?
I swear I won't cry
I dont care if it was on a text.
Just tell me why.
Boy, I thought you had some balls
But I guess I was blind.
Was it just a spontanious thing?
Or did I miss the signs?

The evidence right in front of me.
Plain as sight
You left me for her
Isn't that right?
Im not only dead,
Im not only numb,
I'm also feeling
A little bit like scum
So long we were togeter
Close to our anniversary too
How could you?

So for all of those of you who don't know... Julian (boyfriend of 10 months) dumped me Wednesday...

Family's Back

Wow! I mean, just wow. I feel like I'm going to bust with exitement! My cousin, Stuart, has been in Seattle for about a year and now he's finally, FINALLY, coming back! I saw him for the first time in a year today about an hour ago! I was so happy that I teared up while we were sitting there talking, and I had to leave the room. It's so relieving to see him. I've been so worried about him ever since he left. It's been like, part of the family is missing to me, and now everything's better.

I'm sorry if this is kinda scatterbrained. I'm just so excited!!!!

So now that school has started, I have complete and free access to photoshop. Awesome huh? So I want to do some before and after pictures on here and I want you to tell me what you think.
The red one is the before and the purple are the after.

The white is after and the purple are before.

oOoO

Oh my gosh. I am so freaking out. I signed up for the PSAT test at school, and I got online to study a little bit, and I found out... I'm not as smart as I think I am. I am like, super-stupid, cause I don't even remember how the heck to do simple things like equations and crap like that.

Oh...My....GOD! Like, superhyperventalliating over here.

Anyways, I've been really super lazy recently. I mean really lazy. I have the seventh chapter all written out and all, all I have to do is type and edit it. I think I'll try to do that this weekend...

I love you so much....

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I got on here. I've been serisouly neglecting my blog, oops! But school has just been so hectic and all. My concentration has won me off though, my grades are pretty good for the first time in 2 years. Yea... I have a short attention span in school. =)


But reallly, you wanna know what is total bs? Ok, you remember that one guy that I went out with that showed up at school? Well, he and his girlfriend broke up, and she went through his old emails AFTER they broke up. She printed them out and asked me about this one thing that he kept on saying to me in the emails. Which was that he would love me forever, I made him promise this to me awhile back. But when he says it, he says he's still holding his promise to me, so no one will know what it means or whatever. Well, we were still talking when they (He and Her) started going out, and the first month that Julian and I got together, and it was kinda mushy stuff. >.< So this wonderful person who is no longer going out with him, prints up the emails. And you want to know what that girl did? She gave them to Julian. Yes Julian. She sent some of her preppy ass friends over to our lunch table and they shoved the emails in his face and told him to read them. The entire time, these bitches were SMILING. He said that he knew about them, and when he did, their faces fell so hard I thought they were going to hit the floor. =) But he ended up reading them anyway, because I guess he didn't know. (he said he hacked into my yahoo account and read them) And he's still with me.

I'm so happy that he's so stupid, he said that he was disappointed with me, and I'm still beating myself up for it.

But another thing that happened with this. This girl that I know, Stephanie, is a varsity cheerleader, and those people were cheerleaders. (Suprising huh?) She came up to me today and asked me what was going on, and I guess I had this "look" on, but another friend of mine came up to me, after I told Stephanie to go away in the nicest way I could manage. ("If you don't go the fuck away right now, I will punch your face in.") And the other friend said "Are you ok? You looked like you were about to kick her ass." HAHAHA, yea I was. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't standing within a foot of julian.

Hehehe... i love high school.

"I love you so much you must kill me now" -Marilyn Manson-

Photos

So here's a couple of before and after photos that I worked on in Photoshop... tell me what you think.

It's All A Secret

I missed him. It was as plain and simple as that, but it wasn’t only one thing about him that I missed, it was everything about him.

I missed the way that he would look at me. No matter how he did, small glances, long stares, or just looking’ I loved it. He made feel like I was for once, beautiful, and like I mattered to him. Those moments seemed to last for mere seconds, and they would become the highlight of my day. Secretly, I would stay up late at night, thinking of how I would get to see him, and feel right once again. But this feel right was different, it was true, it was something that I couldn’t explain. It was real this time, and it made me feel like I could carry the weight on my shoulders.

I miss the things that he would notice, and even the things that he didn’t notice. The one thing that I loved the most about what he wouldn’t notice is how I can be so clingy. It should have driven him crazy, but it didn’t. As a matter of fact, he says he wants me to be more attached. I don’t really get him sometimes, it’s like, he doesn’t act like he should. But it’s not in a bad way it’s in a good way.

I miss how he teases me. Little succulent moments where the only thing that matters is him, and he’s the only thing on my mind. The little gasps of air entering my body, only encourage him to make it worse for me. He’d lift me up into a world or pure euphoria that I couldn’t even access in my dreams. The way he knows all of the weak spots in my walls, and the way he can bring them down in a matter of minutes, of seconds, of movements, only add to my enjoyment.

I miss how his body feels against mine. He’s always so warm, so inviting. I love curling myself into his chest and letting his warmth spread over and around me. The way his hard body feels against mine, and the way he warms me up, gives me a sense of protection. I feel secure when I am with him, like no one can harm me. Like no one can touch me.

Baby, I miss you so much, I can’t wait until the next time I get to see you. You are my life, my muse, my love. Don’t ever hurt me.

My English Teacher Ate It

Wow, so I gave my english teacher my flashdrive today. It had all of my photos and writings on it. (minus valdor my first story blog). I hope she likes it. Shes one of the most inspiring teachers out there. Like that teacher from freedom writers.

But her husband is the art teacher, and he liked some of my photos from last year. :) he said on the first day of school this year that i take amazing pictures. And it's really cool because he doesnt remember my name, but he remembers me by the pictures i take. Honestly, id rather that be it than my name.

I hope they like all of it, she read the first chapter or Life After and said...>ahem<>

but i feel a lot better now. i got to work in photoshop today!!! yea i got to edit pictures and all. i took this picture:

and cleared up their faces. theres nothing wrong with them the way they look. i acatually made their eyes blue the first time i edited it.

buuuut i dont have the finished draft of it, so i cant show yall until tomorrow.... cause my teacher has my flashdrive...

anyways have a good day

Waiting

Waiting

She paced up and down the street wondering where he was. Where who was? She didn’t know. All she knew was that he was coming soon. She didn’t even know how she knew that, it was just there. She didn’t know what had compelled her to stand out in the street at that moment waiting for him. It’s just a little longer, you’ll see him. See who? Her mind was in the middle of a battle between two forces. Instinct vs. rationality. She knew it didn’t make any sense to be standing there in the middle of the night, vulnerable, but something had made her come out there. Instinct had made her, she knew it, and you can’t ignore instinct, even after all of those years of ignoring it. I don’t know why I’m even out here, this is pointless. Just wait, I swear he’s coming. The street was lit by the only lamppost in the neighborhood, and that was about to go out. The light bulb in the socket, was flickering nervously. Her mind was racing, her heart was pumping, her legs were jelly, yet she didn’t know why. All she know was she was here, waiting for him, but the rationality was starting to win the battle, but she couldn’t give up, she couldn’t leave. Not when she was so close to finding him, or he was so close to finding her. Finding who? There’s no one out there, no one coming, you might as well give up. Take one of the regular men, they’ll do just fine. He isn’t coming. She picked her stuff off of the pavement and turned to leave and go back home. NO!!! A voice shouted in her head. Her legs stopped working and she sat down on the warm asphalt. She was becoming irritated, that her instinct wouldn’t let her leave, and that her feet had stopped working. It was cold outside, and she was cold inside and outside as well. Her body was trembling from the freezing weather, and she wanted her warm bed back. Maybe she should give up, maybe this isn’t worth it. It’s too much pain to deal with. She would never find him. She heard the roar of a car and stepped onto the shoulder of the road. It went by, blasting her hair into her face. She smoothed her hair back down and started to leave. No, please don’t give up. I swear he’s coming, just a few more minutes. She didn’t listen this time. She picked up her stuff once again, and turned to walk back into her house, freezing cold. She heard footsteps coming up behind her. Inside of her, a voice sighed and said, Finally. Nevertheless, she reached into her bag to fetch her knife. She turned around to see the source of the footsteps. A silhouetted figure was coming towards her, slowly. It came upon the lamppost and stopped under it. She saw it was a man. The light flickered over him, casting an eerie shadow on his brown hair. Under the lamp, she could see it was a young man, but he had shielded his face, his identity, so she couldn’t see. Her heart was pumping so hard in her chest, she thought it would break through her ribcage. She slowly stared the young man up and down, and came to the conclusion that he wasn’t any threat. She put her knife away, and walked over to him. Careful, he can hurt you. A different voice advised. She stopped under the flickering light, in front of the man. The young woman kissed the top of his head, and pushed his chin up so she could see who he really was. He resisted at first, but finally gave into it. His head slowly came up, and the instant she saw the mans face, she knew that he was the one. She knew that the wait was over, and that he was her true love. The light stopped flickering and shone on the two as bright as ever.

I'm not trying to make these things happen, I swear!!!

I swear I'm not meaning for all of this to happen.



Yesterday was the first football game of the season, and I went there to see us get our asses handed to us. So, the first 2 quarters are going good, no drama and all. Then, halftime comes and goes, and the game gets delayed because of lightning. Well, there's the drama. When the game got delayed, Julian came over and sat with me. I wanted to talk to him, but he pulled out this PSP and started playing it. Well, he didn't even LOOK at me. So I started getting pissed off, no matter what I did, he wouldn't even glance at me. I tried to get up but he wouldnt let me so I sat back down. So I'm sitting there steaming because of that. Then, these girls come up to a new friend of mine, Bridget. They start talking trash to her about how she's going out with the guy that their friend likes. It's all really stupid. So, I yell over at them, (remember, I'm pissed off at this point) "Ya'll need to get over it, he doesn't like her, so fucking move on." (ok, not just pissed off furious) Then, Julian, without looking up, elbows me in the ribs. So, now that drama is over, I move to sit with Stefen and Jessica, because I need to chill. Zack comes up to me and says "What's wrong." I point at Julian. He goes over to talk to him and comes back to me and says that I have a right to be pissed off, and that he's being an asshole. So, he lets me punch him a couple of times to get a little anger out of me. And for the first time ever, I ended up hurting the guy. So finally Julian realizes that he's being dunce, and apologizes to me, but by then I'm crying.

I made new enemies, cried in public (again), and we lost our first football game 44 to 12.

A Little Something Something.

This is a little something I wrote about a couple of weeks back. Its about what I feel when I dance.

She was a good dancer, no scratch that, she was a great dancer. She had a passion for it and you could tell by the way she danced. Her whole day all she thought about was dancing, getting better, and learning now things. She loved the rush that she would get before performing in front of a crowd. Her dream was to become one of the best, and even though she knew she could never do it, she still dreamed about it all of the time.
She loves the smell of her old leather jazz shoes. She loves the way her feet felt naked when she wore them, and how everything was a little easier with the grips wore down from so much use. She can’t even describe what she feels when she’s dancing, not in words, and not even with feelings. The closest that she can get is that her heart soars, and her wings unfold to take her away when she’s even practicing.

She loves the closeness of a team. She loves the way that all of the separate minds can come together as one for a couple of minutes to show something beautiful. Every original style and every different strength coming together to form a perfect thing.

She loves the rush of performing. She loves that all of the days that she would spend on a routine would show. It would show in her body as she danced her heart out, on her face as she smiled like this was the most fun that she ever had. The rush that she would get before performing, and the sick feeling would make her love it only more. The stage would only come closer, and she would be on it, doing her best, and showing everyone what she can do. Having everyone there staring at you only made her want to do better. Only made her want to do better than she ever did before.

She loves the routines. It didn’t matter which one, she loved it. When there, you could let yourself go and clear your mind. You were forced to. If you didn’t then you messed up. Those small moments of calmness were what she looked for, what she longed for. The routine was all that mattered, it and you doing it.

But the thing the loves the most was the leaps. Every one that she did, she felt like she was flying, and she never wanted to come back down. She never wanted to put her feet back on the ground, ever. She wanted to keep going on and just fly off and toward bigger things.

She loves to dance. No one can, has, and ever will break her spirit. This is what she lives for. Nothing else matters, nothing but you, your team, and the routine.

I Think I'm Going To Rip Out My Hair!!!

Ok, so today, the second day of school. Can you say WORST DAY EVER? Really, the day started out so great, I had a good morning, lunch, and then school let out. (They fixed the problem with so many people at the table.)

Well, I go into the front of the school to get on the bus to go home, and there is my exboyfriend Markus. Now, let me let you understand this, we were a big thing my freshman year. Like, we were all into the engaged thing, I tried to run away with him, (big mistake) and we were just, together. He lied to me a lot and used me a lot and I loved him nevertheless. Well, we broke up.

Julian doesn't like him because of those reasons. Now, back to the story. Markus is sitting in his truck on my groups side of the school. Like he was wanting to talk to everyone there. Well, Julian was in the passenger side window, talking to him. I figured that they could at least have a decent conversation together, but NOOOOO! They all have to go off and be testosterene induced boys. (I didn't hear what they were saying, but I figure it's not anything nice because of what happens next)

So I walked to our side of the school front and start talking to Aries. Julian comes up and stands beside me with this FACE on like hes trying to distance himself with the world. (Not a good sign with him it means he's trying to control his anger) So I ask him what's wrong and he says that he doesnt want to talk about it. Then I ask again, and he says that he doesn't need to talk about it right now. Then Markus gets out of the truck, and I'm thinking Oh Boy. So he comes up to where everyone's standing and starts to talk to everyone.

Then Julian gets really pissed off and tells me that he has to go. So he leaves me there with this guy that I probably shouldn't be hanging out with at all. (He was really pissed off at this moment so I figured it was best that he leave anyway)

So Julians gone, and here I am with this GUY. He hugs me and tells me that there's something for me in the truck. And everyone's asking me WHERE'D JULIAN GO? WHERE'D JULIAN GO? And I'm over there like, dude, he left, he's pissed let him be. And so I'm over there freaking out because he's gone, and now Markus is trying to give me a gift, and then my bus comes and I'm like Thank God.

So I left.

Now I remember why I hate high school. So much drama. I've tried to call Julian today, but he didn't answer. So I'm going to try again at six, but I'm really worried about him. I don't want him to be freaked out and mad like that ever.

I think I'm goint to SCREAM!!!!!

I swear I'm almost done with the sixth chapter. I just need to retype it. (I try not to feed all of you crap. ) I'm going to reread it tonight, and edit it tomorrow when I get on. Then, I will give ya'll the next chapter. I know that I've been slacking off recently, but it's been kinda hard this week for me. You know, getting ready for school and all.

Speaking of school today was the first day back for me. I've always hated the first day of school because all the teachers go over are the same old rules that you've heard every first day of school for 11 years or more. It was so boring. And everyone that I know/hang out with ended up with the SAME FREAKIN LUNCH. So we're all sitting there trying to cram, like what? 12 people into a table that sits like 6. And I'm calustrophobic! The entire time, I'm trying to hide in Julian's shoulder whispering to myself "Make them go away" trying to make them go away, cause Stephen is pratically sitting in my lap. The only reason why I didn't leave and sit somewhere else is because I can stand to sit with those people, even with us so jam packed on a table like that. It still bothered me though, because I hate crowds like that, even with friends.

Oh, but the good thing is, that I ended up with Julian in 2 of my classes, and in lunch. And then I ended up with my old english teacher. If you've ever seen Freedom Writers, you'll get a general picture of what she is like. Honestly, she could be the exact copy of that teacher off of there. I love her so much. :)

Ugh.... God save me from high school. :P

Races

Wow, so this is my last day of summer break. I hate the day before school. I get so exited and revolted at the thought of school starting that I can't sleep. I'm really going to miss being able to sit on my butt all day...

Anyways, Julian, mom, dad, and I went to the ultimate hick sport out there...the races. If yall don't know what they are. It's basically ameatuer nascar. Well, we went, and the entire time, I'm over there thinking "ok Julian has GOT to be bored or something." but no he wasn't (Amazingly). I didn't think people would like it as much as I do, but he did. Even if it is just going around in a circle.

Acatually I like the noise of it all. When the cars pass by you, they rumble your chest. I can't explain it all that well, but it's like how if you turn up the base all the way on a good stero. You know that rumble in the deepest part of your chest? I love that.

Heres a couple of good clips of Jeff Dunham, Sweet Daddy D., and Bubba J making fun of Nascar. On the first one it happens on about 1:03 (thats with bubba j.) and on the second one it happens about 5:00. But I advise you watch the whole thing through, its really funny.





Anyways, have a good day! :)

UPDATE!!!!!

I've gotten a comment recently about my story Life After. No one is supposed to know the exact location of where they are, and the date. Everything is primitive now, and no one really keeps track of anything anymore. I think that I should try to put some emphasis on that in the story, but I just wanted you all to know, that "Raski" is NOT Russia. It has recently come to my attention that it sounds dangerously close to Russia, but its not that. It is just a name that I came up out of the thin air. Honestly, to tell you the truth, I don't name things like most people do. What I do is I write this down:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I think of something that describes the place, and take the letter over/under it and write it down. Then, I rearrange them in a manner that sounds like someone can say it. :) Yea I'm kinda random like that...don't get mad.

An example maybe? Ok, sure. Lets take the word "love". L=Y O=B V=I E=R
So now we got Y-B-I-R
biry?
rbiy?
ybir?
and the list can go on and on and on... You can add letters or take some out.

Ok, an update. School is starting on Monday. I have the 6th chapter written (First draft) and I'll try to finish it before then because I'm not sure if I'm going to have much luck with typing them. Cause like I said, I write them, type them and edit them, then retype them. But I swear on Buddah, Jebus and the Holy Grail, that I will try to finish this one. I already know how I want it to end, but I'm just working on getting there. It might take me a little longer to finish this one, because I have to think of a way for her to get there. :P I only know the landscape between where Zeca is and Raski.

Now, keep in mind that this is only my first draft of this story. So, some elements are missing, and if you realize a miswording or a missing part, or something you just don't get, then tell me. I'm trying to keep this an easy read, but make some people think about things at the same time.

Thank you for reading!!!

Post Secret

You know, I've become addicted to Post Secret. I really want to mail a few in and see if they get published. Oh, and I want to get the librarian of the school to order a book and see if I can get that thing going where you put one in and the next person puts one in and stuff like that. That would be cool! :P Anyways, I found a few that pretty much explains something about me...

Ok, and I'm sorry, but this is just funny!

Can I Tell You Something Personal?

Alrighty then. I had this really freaky dream last night, and I can't figure out what it means. Yes, I'm one of those people that know dreams mean something. It's a code that you have to figure out, and I found a place where they have everything in there. I've figured out a few things from that thing, and it's scary accurate about them. Here's the link:

http://myjellybean.com/astrology/dream/dream.htm And heres the dream:

Our church went to the mall. Julian was there as well as Stephen, and Jessica. I remember something about cussing someone out because of the esclators and telling them to move out of my way so I could get off. (We were going up and I have a fear of heights) Then somebody got mad and pulled me off to the side and started talking to me. Then, the mall disapeared, and we were in the bottom of a canyon that was pretty much nothing but dirt. There was a little trail that had a beach on it, and I went down this trail and looked around. I came back, and everyone was sitting at a table, but my spot by Julian was taken by Ashley. (Ashley is someone that I hate that hates me back, probably. I haven't said one word to her in 3 years...which is why I'm trying to figure out why shes in here. She is very stuck up and she hangs out with preppy people, whilst I hang out with unsociable people) I pull up a chair by the other side of Julian, and he pushes it away with his foot. (Everything's fuzzy for awhile, but I remember one thing definatly...)

He chose her over me every time anything went on in that canyon. I slept away from everyone, sleeping at the beach. No one ever came to check on me or anything, then one day I got fed up with it, and told him "I hope youre having fun with your little slut, you can have her, because were through." I had whispered this in his ear.

So... um yea. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Comment Replies

Ok, so I've gotten in some comments and I will address them right now because I hate how people respond to a question in a comment IN the comments. Honestly, I wouldn't visit that place ever again, so you never get the response you wanted. So here:


Ok, John, It was Jessica that did the rating thing at Hurricane Harbor, (one of my closest friends talked my boyfriend into rating girls in front of me at Hurricane Harbor, and I've been feeling really self consious about my body recently.) I don't think that he will, but I've been cheated on before, and it's one of the most horrible experiences you can go through. (except thinking your pregnant at 15) And I don't want it to happen again, honestly there's always a possibility to things like that, and I don't want to go through that again. I'm only open to 2 people in the world like I'm open to him, him and my best friend Brianna. Acatually, I think I should shut up sometimes, but its soooo hard for me to once I start to trust somebody like that.

Arielle I haven't acatually seen him that much recently. It's been over 2 weeks since I got to spend some time with him alone. I have this thing with talking in crowds. Espically my friends. They're very mean about some things and I don't like to talk to him in front of them. I really miss hanging out with him, but I'm trying to deal. The reason why is because I refuse to make any plans for him, and I'm just waiting for him to ask me if I want to do anything. It's not working out as planned though. :P

Ok, and to brainsnorts. Yea, that was a looooooooong comment. I was kinda going for the first owners and stuff for it, but I didn't know what kind of history I would do for the genie. I did an outline, and it ended up sounding like The Monkey's Paw, only more drawn out. Genies, are acatually supposed to be very cunning and cruel with their wishes, and make them backfire on you, so I was going to do something like that. But you gave me some pretty good ideas for the history. Maybe I'll do two stories on it, but first things first. Ive got to finish Life After.

Another thing, she cant leave because she doesn't believe in Raski, and she's never considered it being there before. Plus, she hasn't even thought of leaving yet... I think I may combine the two parts into one chapter, but for me if a post is too long, then I just wont read it, I'll scan it. Besides, theres a navigation thingy on the right hand side of the page that does it all by chapters instead of the titles for them. And to another thing. The forced pregnancy almost happened with Katlyn remember? she was going to have sex with that one guy, but didnt because she kicked him in the nads? She wouldnt cooperate, so theyre going to kill her.

Thank all of you for commenting, and I hope you continue to comment me on my stuff. As well as other people out there.

Ok, so thats my comment post for today.

And This Is How I Sabotage Myself

So Julian and I got into a fight. There's this party going on with my friend Christina at the lake. I'm really protective of people I go out with... ok FINE I'm that jealous wreck you hear about all the time. Hes going to go by the way. So we were talking about it and he says "So are you going to go?" and I say "I don't know yet." because her grandmother has to be there for me to go. Then I say, "Can we not talk about it? I get this sinking feeling every time I think about it."

"Why?"

Ok. Big mistake. I told him.

Well, we've been going out for 9 months right? So he gets all huffy and puffy because I'm insecure about myself, and I think that he will cheat on me. NOOOOO! I dont think he will, but it's in the back of my mind. Is that wierd? I hope not. Its one of those things in the VERY back of your mind that you try to block out.

Buuuut, I was at my friends house, and i cant stand it when hes mad at me, so I start to cry!!! >.< So now shes left the room because we're both not good at consoling others, and I wanted to be left alone anyway. But to make a long story short, we made up and now I cant tell him anything anymore.

But the thing was that he told me to tell him what I was thinking. Was I wrong to do that?

THE NEW UNTITLED TITLE!!!

Finally! A title.

Life After.

It's Chapstick, Chapped Lips, And Things Like Chemistry

Ok, so right now I'm almost finished editing the fifth chapter of Untitled, and I have the first draft for the sixth chapter as well. I still haven't thought of anything to call it, but I'm racking my brains for it. =)

School starts next monday. >.< So I'm not sure if I will be able to post as much as I do right now for a couple of weeks. It's because the first week is pretty hectic with trying to find classes, memorize your schedule, and get used to your teachers, and have things calm down. I may be able to spit out a chapter that week, but I would have to struggle to do it, and I'm not sure I want to struggle because I did with Valdor and look where that got me. But if you want me to send you an email whenever I post a chapter after school starts, just email me (mine's on my profile) and tell me what you want me to do.

I know somebody is gonna wanna shoot me for this, but I want school to start realllllllllllllllllllllllllllly badly. It's gotten so boring out here that I have nothing to do, but get online and hope for comments on my story, or on here. The only thing that's holding me back is what if I don't get to see Julian when it starts? Yea, yea, yea, I know. It's typical teeenage girl stuff, but I don't think I could deal with not seeing him all day, and we'll (well, I know I will) be too tired to do anything on the weekend, so I'm kinda worried about that.

You know, ever since I was in the eighth grade, I wanted to switch schools. I've always wanted to go to another place and start over, cauze honestly, my friends arn't the nicest ones out there. You have to be USED to the way they talk, but they're true friends. It's kinda wierd in another sense too. We communicate mostly through physical things, not things like talking or anything, we just mess around. Yea, I hate being social, which is why I fit in there best, but they can just be so... rude sometimes that it depresses me.

I first started feeling like this in the eighth grade when I had no one to talk to. And now I feel like this because I don't like the people that I hang out with sometimes. And what is holding me back you say? Well, somebody abandoned me in my freshman year at school, and I mean I really loved him. Even now, when I look back on it, I know we had something different than others around us, we were truly in love with each other. But anyways back to the reason, well he dropped out of school and left me there by myself, and I couldn't call him because of my parents not liking him, so I was depressed for months. I really don't even remember what happened in that span, because I was so gone. (Yea, drama drama drama) But ever since then, I've had this abandoning issue with boyfriends, I can't and won't leave them like he left me.

Is that wierd?

Genie Idea!!!

I hate the fact that we don't have any dvd players that work. So I've been watching old viedo movies.

I was watching Aladdin last night and a new idea occured to me. What if I wrote a story about the first genie ever? That would be pretty cool. What if I made him the first genie, but in the same setting as Untitled, and just make there be magic in the world? OMG that would be a cool idea would it not? Well, tell me what you think in a comment if you wish.

P.S. I won't start on it until I get done with the current story I'm working on, so don't worry.

Just Pretend That Nothing Ever Happened

Ok, so right now I've finally finished chapter four, and I will post the first part of it tomorrow. Ya'll might have to wait longer for chapters very soon. Because it takes me a few days to write, type and proofread, then retype the chapter. So I'm sorry for the delay. I will try my best to keep them coming though.

Honestly, I'm liking this one better than my first one Valdor. I just wish I knew what to call it. Maybe it would help with advertising or something, but I really wish I had a name for it.

Another song that I've been serisouly stuck on...

So, I went to church last night and saw one of my friends Christina.

She's the one on the left. I really missed her. Serisouly, I haven't seen her in like, a month. And you have to understand, I had a lot, and I mean A LOT of things to tell her. I can't really talk about it on here, because it's kinda... incriminating. ;) And all of church I ended up talking to her and getting a lot off of my mind, and out in the open. So I ended up (accidently) ignoring Julian (boyfriend of...9 months?) the entire time we were there.

Now you've got to understand, he's the only person I talk to really. I can't call Jessica, cause we think her parents record her conversations... and she's going out with this dude, which requires for her to tell him, and then he'll tell everyone else. (again INCRIMINATING) That's her down there.

And I can't really call Brianna because she's very religous and I just can't talk about certain things to her. That's her down there.

And you can't really get ahold of Christina but through text messages and half of the time, she's at work or pratice. And people can see your texts on the internet. (There's some kind of tracking thingy on the company's website.) So the only person I've talked to is a guy, and he won't listen to the "girl" things that I need to talk about. So the only person I've really sat down and talked with ALL SUMMER is Julian. Thats him. Yea... I didn't take that picture. Christina did. That's why it sucks. :)

So did I do something bad? Cause if I didn't get it out, then he would have to hear "girl" things. And some of the things were about him. *ahem.*

Liars, Cheaters, and America.

Ok, I take back Spain having bad sportsmanship. WE have bad sportsmanship.

For all of you who don't know, we lost to China in gymnastics. K? So, RIGHT AFTER we lost, Martha Karolyi, the team co-ordinator, says that it wasn't our fault that we lost. She said that they called Alicia Sacramone to do the balance beam, and didn't put her name on the board. She had to wait to do her routine because everyone went to commercials at that time. Which is expected when you go to a national competition like that. They said that she was prepared to do the job, and the wait THREW HER OFF. Ok, I'm sorry, but waiting shouldn't throw you off like that.

If making fun of Chinese is bad, then saying that it's their fault that you lost is worse. Espically RIGHT AFTER the winners were named. They could have said something about it earlier, but no they didn't.

Am I being too harsh? If you want to get the full story look on here: http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/news?slug=afp-oly2008gymnasticswomenteamusa&prov=afp&type=lgns

It's the article that I got this from, but I think I've pretty sumed it up here. But Am I being to harsh?

And So...The Race Begins

Coma by Alex Garland was one of the greatest books I've ever read. In it, this guy goes into a coma, and in this dream-like state, he realizes that he is in fact in a coma. His dream guy goes around trying to find something that will wake him up from this state, and after awhile he does.

Now, the purpose of that paragraph. You all dream right? Dreams aren't real right? Well, what if they were real? Your dreams could be another version of you, living in another world that you can access only when you sleep. And the dreams you have are snapshots of what happens in their lives, even the wierd ones. For all we know, the wierd dreams we have could be normal to them. What if everytime you fall asleep, you see another world with another you? Wouldn't that be grand?

Yea, you see what happens when I think?

Ok, so today, I think I'm going to shake it up a bit. Imma post a poem on here today. It's one of my favorites that I've written, and one of the very few good ones.

My Hell

A heartbreak of the worst degree,

My heart he did shatter.

And I only wish that he could see,

All the pieces fall and clatter.

Leaving a hole so huge,

I can feel it in my soul.

And in my heart he did leave,

A big, black, empty hole.

An emptiness eternally there,

A void so large and vast.

To which nothing can compare,

A curse upon me he did cast.

Upon your love,

I'm forced to dwell.

Hi, my name's Kristen,

Welcome to my hell.

Spain's Racisim

The Spanish basketball team posed for a picture before the games started. They appeared to be slanting their eyes, imitating the Chinese. They say that they were just poking fun with them, but that doesn't matter. The fact is that this is poor sportsmanship, and just plain rude. I mean, they are hosting the Olympic Games for Christ's sake! I wouldn't be surprised if some mad Chinese dude kills them for doing that. This is a reflection of how stupid, insensitive, and how indecent people can be.

So readers, do you think they were just joking around, or being racist?

You Can Only Move As Fast As Who's In Front Of You

I kinda accidently stiffed yall on Untitled's second chapter today (you'll see what I mean) so I'm going to post Chapter three part one on there. but just to let you all know, I'm only on chapter 3. I've been...busy. You see, my friend let me borrow Final Fantasy X-2 so I've been playing it a lot. I don't get to play viedo games that much, so I'm enjoying this one. :)

So, I've been wondering, if you tried to put both your stories on one blog, how would you make the seperate links for it? Like have one section for one blog, and another for the other one? I'm not sure how to do any of this. I don't even know how to do layouts on here! I got them off of this website thats really cool.

So, heres another song I've been listening to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtBMF0BqDrU&feature=related

I think I've become addicted to Juno's soundtrack. I don't know why but I love songs like this, but I don't know what genre that they are called, and not many bands sing like this. So, I have no idea where to get them, or what bands sing like this.

Ok, so here's a few snow pictures that I took the one day out of the entire year that it did snow. We don't get weather like that much, so I wanted to remember it.

More Photos and A Song

ok, so I've been listening to a song today. You know those kinda old-timey ones that make you feel all floaty inside? The ones that make you wish that everything was simpler? Well I was listening to this song called "All I Want Is You" it's really good. The link is here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20PQBtyfNZY&feature=rec-fresh

It's off of Juno, though. So I'm not sure if you would like it.

I've decided to do a whole post over some of my favorite black and whites on here. I like those the best. There may be a couple of repeats in here, beause it's all of my favorite ones.

I really didn't take this picture, but my friend had seen some of my edited pictures and asked me to work on it for her. So... I made the eyes blue, and cleared up their faces in Photoshop, but I couldn't save the picture at the end of the school year, so I lost the one with the clear faces, and this is the only one left.



Another one that I edited in Photoshop. In that one I made the eyes red, but I can't upload it on here. The file is too big.

So this is Jessica and Paul. I also edited this one in Photoshop to where his eyes were blue and her eyes were brown. Yet again, I cant upload it.

Some pine trees. I didn't mess with this one at all. It turned out perfect.

So sometimes at the beginning of school I would give my camera to Jeromey and he would get pictures of people. Then I would edit them to make them look cool. I like this one. Espically they way the leaves turned out real glossy.

Here's a contrast. This is the original picture. I like it a lot better. That way ^.

Photos and News

Ok, so I haven't posted in awhile. I know. But it's just that I've been working on this new story. Yea. I gave up on the Valdor one until I can figure out how its gonna end. I followed the advice of someone, and figured out the ending before I wrote it. It's about a futuristic society, where nuclear bombs killed almost everything. I haven't thought of a name for it yet. but here's the link:

http://canabalisticmonkey0.blogspot.com/

I realized that I haven't posted a few photos recently, so here's a few:

This is one of my earlier photos. I like it though.

So another first for me. I like it a lot though.

And this is my friend Samantha. This was one of those pictures that you just took and the person didn't know you were doing it. I love these! :)

Ok, now this one was funny. She had to stay like that for 5 minutes while we tried to revive my camera to take the picture.

I don't really have much to say about this one, but it turned out great. I didn't even have to work on it or anything.

Ice On Mars

Ok, serisouly, with all of the flying ICE in the universe anyway, you know like comets and such, this wouldn't be such a big deal. Right?

So I've lost my inspiration for my Valdor story. I put out all of the completed chapters that I had on it, and I'm going to just hope that I get it back. Please still leave comments. They'll help me.

Some of My Work

Ok, so this is Anabell. She was a stray that wandered up into our yard, starving. We fed her for awhile, then we went on vacation, and the owner happened to see her at our house while we were gone, and took her. *sniff* I miss that dog. She was the first pit bull I liked.

Why is there a picture of clovers on a wall you ask? Because, I loved the way that they got there. I have never seen a clover patch climb UP A WALL. Ok, it might not be that uncommon, but I have never seen this before.








Our family went on vacation one year and time and the park was so beautiful. I got tons of pictures that time that we went. This is one of my favorite pictures that I've ever taken.













This is Jeromey. We used to be pretty good friends. I just wish that I had photoshop so I could work on his face...:)













This is Kelly, she's a fun emo kid that I know back in school.