I love you so much....

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I got on here. I've been serisouly neglecting my blog, oops! But school has just been so hectic and all. My concentration has won me off though, my grades are pretty good for the first time in 2 years. Yea... I have a short attention span in school. =)


But reallly, you wanna know what is total bs? Ok, you remember that one guy that I went out with that showed up at school? Well, he and his girlfriend broke up, and she went through his old emails AFTER they broke up. She printed them out and asked me about this one thing that he kept on saying to me in the emails. Which was that he would love me forever, I made him promise this to me awhile back. But when he says it, he says he's still holding his promise to me, so no one will know what it means or whatever. Well, we were still talking when they (He and Her) started going out, and the first month that Julian and I got together, and it was kinda mushy stuff. >.< So this wonderful person who is no longer going out with him, prints up the emails. And you want to know what that girl did? She gave them to Julian. Yes Julian. She sent some of her preppy ass friends over to our lunch table and they shoved the emails in his face and told him to read them. The entire time, these bitches were SMILING. He said that he knew about them, and when he did, their faces fell so hard I thought they were going to hit the floor. =) But he ended up reading them anyway, because I guess he didn't know. (he said he hacked into my yahoo account and read them) And he's still with me.

I'm so happy that he's so stupid, he said that he was disappointed with me, and I'm still beating myself up for it.

But another thing that happened with this. This girl that I know, Stephanie, is a varsity cheerleader, and those people were cheerleaders. (Suprising huh?) She came up to me today and asked me what was going on, and I guess I had this "look" on, but another friend of mine came up to me, after I told Stephanie to go away in the nicest way I could manage. ("If you don't go the fuck away right now, I will punch your face in.") And the other friend said "Are you ok? You looked like you were about to kick her ass." HAHAHA, yea I was. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't standing within a foot of julian.

Hehehe... i love high school.

"I love you so much you must kill me now" -Marilyn Manson-

Photos

So here's a couple of before and after photos that I worked on in Photoshop... tell me what you think.

It's All A Secret

I missed him. It was as plain and simple as that, but it wasn’t only one thing about him that I missed, it was everything about him.

I missed the way that he would look at me. No matter how he did, small glances, long stares, or just looking’ I loved it. He made feel like I was for once, beautiful, and like I mattered to him. Those moments seemed to last for mere seconds, and they would become the highlight of my day. Secretly, I would stay up late at night, thinking of how I would get to see him, and feel right once again. But this feel right was different, it was true, it was something that I couldn’t explain. It was real this time, and it made me feel like I could carry the weight on my shoulders.

I miss the things that he would notice, and even the things that he didn’t notice. The one thing that I loved the most about what he wouldn’t notice is how I can be so clingy. It should have driven him crazy, but it didn’t. As a matter of fact, he says he wants me to be more attached. I don’t really get him sometimes, it’s like, he doesn’t act like he should. But it’s not in a bad way it’s in a good way.

I miss how he teases me. Little succulent moments where the only thing that matters is him, and he’s the only thing on my mind. The little gasps of air entering my body, only encourage him to make it worse for me. He’d lift me up into a world or pure euphoria that I couldn’t even access in my dreams. The way he knows all of the weak spots in my walls, and the way he can bring them down in a matter of minutes, of seconds, of movements, only add to my enjoyment.

I miss how his body feels against mine. He’s always so warm, so inviting. I love curling myself into his chest and letting his warmth spread over and around me. The way his hard body feels against mine, and the way he warms me up, gives me a sense of protection. I feel secure when I am with him, like no one can harm me. Like no one can touch me.

Baby, I miss you so much, I can’t wait until the next time I get to see you. You are my life, my muse, my love. Don’t ever hurt me.

My English Teacher Ate It

Wow, so I gave my english teacher my flashdrive today. It had all of my photos and writings on it. (minus valdor my first story blog). I hope she likes it. Shes one of the most inspiring teachers out there. Like that teacher from freedom writers.

But her husband is the art teacher, and he liked some of my photos from last year. :) he said on the first day of school this year that i take amazing pictures. And it's really cool because he doesnt remember my name, but he remembers me by the pictures i take. Honestly, id rather that be it than my name.

I hope they like all of it, she read the first chapter or Life After and said...>ahem<>

but i feel a lot better now. i got to work in photoshop today!!! yea i got to edit pictures and all. i took this picture:

and cleared up their faces. theres nothing wrong with them the way they look. i acatually made their eyes blue the first time i edited it.

buuuut i dont have the finished draft of it, so i cant show yall until tomorrow.... cause my teacher has my flashdrive...

anyways have a good day