I love you so much....

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I got on here. I've been serisouly neglecting my blog, oops! But school has just been so hectic and all. My concentration has won me off though, my grades are pretty good for the first time in 2 years. Yea... I have a short attention span in school. =)


But reallly, you wanna know what is total bs? Ok, you remember that one guy that I went out with that showed up at school? Well, he and his girlfriend broke up, and she went through his old emails AFTER they broke up. She printed them out and asked me about this one thing that he kept on saying to me in the emails. Which was that he would love me forever, I made him promise this to me awhile back. But when he says it, he says he's still holding his promise to me, so no one will know what it means or whatever. Well, we were still talking when they (He and Her) started going out, and the first month that Julian and I got together, and it was kinda mushy stuff. >.< So this wonderful person who is no longer going out with him, prints up the emails. And you want to know what that girl did? She gave them to Julian. Yes Julian. She sent some of her preppy ass friends over to our lunch table and they shoved the emails in his face and told him to read them. The entire time, these bitches were SMILING. He said that he knew about them, and when he did, their faces fell so hard I thought they were going to hit the floor. =) But he ended up reading them anyway, because I guess he didn't know. (he said he hacked into my yahoo account and read them) And he's still with me.

I'm so happy that he's so stupid, he said that he was disappointed with me, and I'm still beating myself up for it.

But another thing that happened with this. This girl that I know, Stephanie, is a varsity cheerleader, and those people were cheerleaders. (Suprising huh?) She came up to me today and asked me what was going on, and I guess I had this "look" on, but another friend of mine came up to me, after I told Stephanie to go away in the nicest way I could manage. ("If you don't go the fuck away right now, I will punch your face in.") And the other friend said "Are you ok? You looked like you were about to kick her ass." HAHAHA, yea I was. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't standing within a foot of julian.

Hehehe... i love high school.

"I love you so much you must kill me now" -Marilyn Manson-

My English Teacher Ate It

Wow, so I gave my english teacher my flashdrive today. It had all of my photos and writings on it. (minus valdor my first story blog). I hope she likes it. Shes one of the most inspiring teachers out there. Like that teacher from freedom writers.

But her husband is the art teacher, and he liked some of my photos from last year. :) he said on the first day of school this year that i take amazing pictures. And it's really cool because he doesnt remember my name, but he remembers me by the pictures i take. Honestly, id rather that be it than my name.

I hope they like all of it, she read the first chapter or Life After and said...>ahem<>

but i feel a lot better now. i got to work in photoshop today!!! yea i got to edit pictures and all. i took this picture:

and cleared up their faces. theres nothing wrong with them the way they look. i acatually made their eyes blue the first time i edited it.

buuuut i dont have the finished draft of it, so i cant show yall until tomorrow.... cause my teacher has my flashdrive...

anyways have a good day

I'm not trying to make these things happen, I swear!!!

I swear I'm not meaning for all of this to happen.



Yesterday was the first football game of the season, and I went there to see us get our asses handed to us. So, the first 2 quarters are going good, no drama and all. Then, halftime comes and goes, and the game gets delayed because of lightning. Well, there's the drama. When the game got delayed, Julian came over and sat with me. I wanted to talk to him, but he pulled out this PSP and started playing it. Well, he didn't even LOOK at me. So I started getting pissed off, no matter what I did, he wouldn't even glance at me. I tried to get up but he wouldnt let me so I sat back down. So I'm sitting there steaming because of that. Then, these girls come up to a new friend of mine, Bridget. They start talking trash to her about how she's going out with the guy that their friend likes. It's all really stupid. So, I yell over at them, (remember, I'm pissed off at this point) "Ya'll need to get over it, he doesn't like her, so fucking move on." (ok, not just pissed off furious) Then, Julian, without looking up, elbows me in the ribs. So, now that drama is over, I move to sit with Stefen and Jessica, because I need to chill. Zack comes up to me and says "What's wrong." I point at Julian. He goes over to talk to him and comes back to me and says that I have a right to be pissed off, and that he's being an asshole. So, he lets me punch him a couple of times to get a little anger out of me. And for the first time ever, I ended up hurting the guy. So finally Julian realizes that he's being dunce, and apologizes to me, but by then I'm crying.

I made new enemies, cried in public (again), and we lost our first football game 44 to 12.

I Think I'm Going To Rip Out My Hair!!!

Ok, so today, the second day of school. Can you say WORST DAY EVER? Really, the day started out so great, I had a good morning, lunch, and then school let out. (They fixed the problem with so many people at the table.)

Well, I go into the front of the school to get on the bus to go home, and there is my exboyfriend Markus. Now, let me let you understand this, we were a big thing my freshman year. Like, we were all into the engaged thing, I tried to run away with him, (big mistake) and we were just, together. He lied to me a lot and used me a lot and I loved him nevertheless. Well, we broke up.

Julian doesn't like him because of those reasons. Now, back to the story. Markus is sitting in his truck on my groups side of the school. Like he was wanting to talk to everyone there. Well, Julian was in the passenger side window, talking to him. I figured that they could at least have a decent conversation together, but NOOOOO! They all have to go off and be testosterene induced boys. (I didn't hear what they were saying, but I figure it's not anything nice because of what happens next)

So I walked to our side of the school front and start talking to Aries. Julian comes up and stands beside me with this FACE on like hes trying to distance himself with the world. (Not a good sign with him it means he's trying to control his anger) So I ask him what's wrong and he says that he doesnt want to talk about it. Then I ask again, and he says that he doesn't need to talk about it right now. Then Markus gets out of the truck, and I'm thinking Oh Boy. So he comes up to where everyone's standing and starts to talk to everyone.

Then Julian gets really pissed off and tells me that he has to go. So he leaves me there with this guy that I probably shouldn't be hanging out with at all. (He was really pissed off at this moment so I figured it was best that he leave anyway)

So Julians gone, and here I am with this GUY. He hugs me and tells me that there's something for me in the truck. And everyone's asking me WHERE'D JULIAN GO? WHERE'D JULIAN GO? And I'm over there like, dude, he left, he's pissed let him be. And so I'm over there freaking out because he's gone, and now Markus is trying to give me a gift, and then my bus comes and I'm like Thank God.

So I left.

Now I remember why I hate high school. So much drama. I've tried to call Julian today, but he didn't answer. So I'm going to try again at six, but I'm really worried about him. I don't want him to be freaked out and mad like that ever.

I think I'm goint to SCREAM!!!!!

I swear I'm almost done with the sixth chapter. I just need to retype it. (I try not to feed all of you crap. ) I'm going to reread it tonight, and edit it tomorrow when I get on. Then, I will give ya'll the next chapter. I know that I've been slacking off recently, but it's been kinda hard this week for me. You know, getting ready for school and all.

Speaking of school today was the first day back for me. I've always hated the first day of school because all the teachers go over are the same old rules that you've heard every first day of school for 11 years or more. It was so boring. And everyone that I know/hang out with ended up with the SAME FREAKIN LUNCH. So we're all sitting there trying to cram, like what? 12 people into a table that sits like 6. And I'm calustrophobic! The entire time, I'm trying to hide in Julian's shoulder whispering to myself "Make them go away" trying to make them go away, cause Stephen is pratically sitting in my lap. The only reason why I didn't leave and sit somewhere else is because I can stand to sit with those people, even with us so jam packed on a table like that. It still bothered me though, because I hate crowds like that, even with friends.

Oh, but the good thing is, that I ended up with Julian in 2 of my classes, and in lunch. And then I ended up with my old english teacher. If you've ever seen Freedom Writers, you'll get a general picture of what she is like. Honestly, she could be the exact copy of that teacher off of there. I love her so much. :)

Ugh.... God save me from high school. :P

Races

Wow, so this is my last day of summer break. I hate the day before school. I get so exited and revolted at the thought of school starting that I can't sleep. I'm really going to miss being able to sit on my butt all day...

Anyways, Julian, mom, dad, and I went to the ultimate hick sport out there...the races. If yall don't know what they are. It's basically ameatuer nascar. Well, we went, and the entire time, I'm over there thinking "ok Julian has GOT to be bored or something." but no he wasn't (Amazingly). I didn't think people would like it as much as I do, but he did. Even if it is just going around in a circle.

Acatually I like the noise of it all. When the cars pass by you, they rumble your chest. I can't explain it all that well, but it's like how if you turn up the base all the way on a good stero. You know that rumble in the deepest part of your chest? I love that.

Heres a couple of good clips of Jeff Dunham, Sweet Daddy D., and Bubba J making fun of Nascar. On the first one it happens on about 1:03 (thats with bubba j.) and on the second one it happens about 5:00. But I advise you watch the whole thing through, its really funny.





Anyways, have a good day! :)

It's Chapstick, Chapped Lips, And Things Like Chemistry

Ok, so right now I'm almost finished editing the fifth chapter of Untitled, and I have the first draft for the sixth chapter as well. I still haven't thought of anything to call it, but I'm racking my brains for it. =)

School starts next monday. >.< So I'm not sure if I will be able to post as much as I do right now for a couple of weeks. It's because the first week is pretty hectic with trying to find classes, memorize your schedule, and get used to your teachers, and have things calm down. I may be able to spit out a chapter that week, but I would have to struggle to do it, and I'm not sure I want to struggle because I did with Valdor and look where that got me. But if you want me to send you an email whenever I post a chapter after school starts, just email me (mine's on my profile) and tell me what you want me to do.

I know somebody is gonna wanna shoot me for this, but I want school to start realllllllllllllllllllllllllllly badly. It's gotten so boring out here that I have nothing to do, but get online and hope for comments on my story, or on here. The only thing that's holding me back is what if I don't get to see Julian when it starts? Yea, yea, yea, I know. It's typical teeenage girl stuff, but I don't think I could deal with not seeing him all day, and we'll (well, I know I will) be too tired to do anything on the weekend, so I'm kinda worried about that.

You know, ever since I was in the eighth grade, I wanted to switch schools. I've always wanted to go to another place and start over, cauze honestly, my friends arn't the nicest ones out there. You have to be USED to the way they talk, but they're true friends. It's kinda wierd in another sense too. We communicate mostly through physical things, not things like talking or anything, we just mess around. Yea, I hate being social, which is why I fit in there best, but they can just be so... rude sometimes that it depresses me.

I first started feeling like this in the eighth grade when I had no one to talk to. And now I feel like this because I don't like the people that I hang out with sometimes. And what is holding me back you say? Well, somebody abandoned me in my freshman year at school, and I mean I really loved him. Even now, when I look back on it, I know we had something different than others around us, we were truly in love with each other. But anyways back to the reason, well he dropped out of school and left me there by myself, and I couldn't call him because of my parents not liking him, so I was depressed for months. I really don't even remember what happened in that span, because I was so gone. (Yea, drama drama drama) But ever since then, I've had this abandoning issue with boyfriends, I can't and won't leave them like he left me.

Is that wierd?

School Days

In all of my years of going to school, I have decided this is the best way to wake up.

The alarm clock goes off at 6:00, you reach over to hit the snooze button for another 5 minutes of sleep, because your hair wouldn't go right last night after your shower. Staring at it for a long time in the mirror didn't help so finally you heated up your straightner, and burnt it to a crisp trying to make it pin straight. Then you had to lay out your clothes.

You had stood in front of your closet for a full 30 more minutes trying to pick out your outfit for tomorrow. You already had the jeans laid out because of the wonderful luck of every pair being dirty and it's only the second day of school, so that's the only pair left in your closet. You pulled every shirt off of the hanger and tossed it into the floor, which is how all of your 6 pairs of jeans got magically dirty in the first place. The entire time you're thinking Why in the world would I buy this? Even though at the store you almost cried when your mom wouldn't give you enough money to buy that ONE shirt that looked good on you at the store, but looks bad on you here. She finally gave up, and handed you the extra 5 dollars needed for the shirt. And now that it's in your closet it's never going to get worn again, because of the ugly color. You finally found the right shirt for you, lay it out, and get in bed. You went to bed at 12:05 in the morning.

You hit the snooze five minutes later at 6:05 wanting just a little more sleep. Five minutes later at 6:10 you groan and hit it again, and again, and again, and again, and again. Finally, you look at the clock, 6:35! You rush out of bed, freaking out because you're supposed to catch the bus at 6:55.

You quickly go into the bathroom, wash your face, brush your teeth, and turn on the straightner.

Then you run into your bedroom and throw on your clothes, only to see that you look like a total dork! How could you pick out that shirt? It looks so wierd, and that's when you want to wear that one shirt that you almost cried over.

You drop to your hands and knees filtering out all of the clothes on the floor that are NOT your shirt. Then, after 10 minutes of looking, you finally find it. Quickly you put it on, and run back into the bathroom.

Your straightener is not heated up all the way, but who cares? You run it through your frizzy hair again, remembering the ordeal from last night and look at that one piece of hair. It's straight, but badly damaged. That'll teach it. you think to yourself, and quickly pull out your purse.

You only have 3 minutes to put on your makeup, so you have to hurry. Quickly you slap on some base, powder, blush, bronzer, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascera, and lipgloss. You run into your bedroom, and grab your bag, and put on your shoes. You only have a minute left.

You turn around and look in the mirror, and realize that you look like a clown! In your haste, you made yourself a walking freak. Quickly you rush into your bathroom, wash off the makeup, and dump your entire cosmetic collection into your bag, then run out the door.

The bus has already came to a stop at the end of your driveway. You start to run up the driveway, when the bus starts pulling off, leaving you there. You feel a sinking feeling in your gut as it starts to pull away, then stops abruptly. Somebody had informed the driver of you standing there.

You breathe a sigh of relief as you get onto the bus, a mess.