I love you so much....

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I got on here. I've been serisouly neglecting my blog, oops! But school has just been so hectic and all. My concentration has won me off though, my grades are pretty good for the first time in 2 years. Yea... I have a short attention span in school. =)


But reallly, you wanna know what is total bs? Ok, you remember that one guy that I went out with that showed up at school? Well, he and his girlfriend broke up, and she went through his old emails AFTER they broke up. She printed them out and asked me about this one thing that he kept on saying to me in the emails. Which was that he would love me forever, I made him promise this to me awhile back. But when he says it, he says he's still holding his promise to me, so no one will know what it means or whatever. Well, we were still talking when they (He and Her) started going out, and the first month that Julian and I got together, and it was kinda mushy stuff. >.< So this wonderful person who is no longer going out with him, prints up the emails. And you want to know what that girl did? She gave them to Julian. Yes Julian. She sent some of her preppy ass friends over to our lunch table and they shoved the emails in his face and told him to read them. The entire time, these bitches were SMILING. He said that he knew about them, and when he did, their faces fell so hard I thought they were going to hit the floor. =) But he ended up reading them anyway, because I guess he didn't know. (he said he hacked into my yahoo account and read them) And he's still with me.

I'm so happy that he's so stupid, he said that he was disappointed with me, and I'm still beating myself up for it.

But another thing that happened with this. This girl that I know, Stephanie, is a varsity cheerleader, and those people were cheerleaders. (Suprising huh?) She came up to me today and asked me what was going on, and I guess I had this "look" on, but another friend of mine came up to me, after I told Stephanie to go away in the nicest way I could manage. ("If you don't go the fuck away right now, I will punch your face in.") And the other friend said "Are you ok? You looked like you were about to kick her ass." HAHAHA, yea I was. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't standing within a foot of julian.

Hehehe... i love high school.

"I love you so much you must kill me now" -Marilyn Manson-

I'm not trying to make these things happen, I swear!!!

I swear I'm not meaning for all of this to happen.



Yesterday was the first football game of the season, and I went there to see us get our asses handed to us. So, the first 2 quarters are going good, no drama and all. Then, halftime comes and goes, and the game gets delayed because of lightning. Well, there's the drama. When the game got delayed, Julian came over and sat with me. I wanted to talk to him, but he pulled out this PSP and started playing it. Well, he didn't even LOOK at me. So I started getting pissed off, no matter what I did, he wouldn't even glance at me. I tried to get up but he wouldnt let me so I sat back down. So I'm sitting there steaming because of that. Then, these girls come up to a new friend of mine, Bridget. They start talking trash to her about how she's going out with the guy that their friend likes. It's all really stupid. So, I yell over at them, (remember, I'm pissed off at this point) "Ya'll need to get over it, he doesn't like her, so fucking move on." (ok, not just pissed off furious) Then, Julian, without looking up, elbows me in the ribs. So, now that drama is over, I move to sit with Stefen and Jessica, because I need to chill. Zack comes up to me and says "What's wrong." I point at Julian. He goes over to talk to him and comes back to me and says that I have a right to be pissed off, and that he's being an asshole. So, he lets me punch him a couple of times to get a little anger out of me. And for the first time ever, I ended up hurting the guy. So finally Julian realizes that he's being dunce, and apologizes to me, but by then I'm crying.

I made new enemies, cried in public (again), and we lost our first football game 44 to 12.

I Think I'm Going To Rip Out My Hair!!!

Ok, so today, the second day of school. Can you say WORST DAY EVER? Really, the day started out so great, I had a good morning, lunch, and then school let out. (They fixed the problem with so many people at the table.)

Well, I go into the front of the school to get on the bus to go home, and there is my exboyfriend Markus. Now, let me let you understand this, we were a big thing my freshman year. Like, we were all into the engaged thing, I tried to run away with him, (big mistake) and we were just, together. He lied to me a lot and used me a lot and I loved him nevertheless. Well, we broke up.

Julian doesn't like him because of those reasons. Now, back to the story. Markus is sitting in his truck on my groups side of the school. Like he was wanting to talk to everyone there. Well, Julian was in the passenger side window, talking to him. I figured that they could at least have a decent conversation together, but NOOOOO! They all have to go off and be testosterene induced boys. (I didn't hear what they were saying, but I figure it's not anything nice because of what happens next)

So I walked to our side of the school front and start talking to Aries. Julian comes up and stands beside me with this FACE on like hes trying to distance himself with the world. (Not a good sign with him it means he's trying to control his anger) So I ask him what's wrong and he says that he doesnt want to talk about it. Then I ask again, and he says that he doesn't need to talk about it right now. Then Markus gets out of the truck, and I'm thinking Oh Boy. So he comes up to where everyone's standing and starts to talk to everyone.

Then Julian gets really pissed off and tells me that he has to go. So he leaves me there with this guy that I probably shouldn't be hanging out with at all. (He was really pissed off at this moment so I figured it was best that he leave anyway)

So Julians gone, and here I am with this GUY. He hugs me and tells me that there's something for me in the truck. And everyone's asking me WHERE'D JULIAN GO? WHERE'D JULIAN GO? And I'm over there like, dude, he left, he's pissed let him be. And so I'm over there freaking out because he's gone, and now Markus is trying to give me a gift, and then my bus comes and I'm like Thank God.

So I left.

Now I remember why I hate high school. So much drama. I've tried to call Julian today, but he didn't answer. So I'm going to try again at six, but I'm really worried about him. I don't want him to be freaked out and mad like that ever.