It's All A Secret

I missed him. It was as plain and simple as that, but it wasn’t only one thing about him that I missed, it was everything about him.

I missed the way that he would look at me. No matter how he did, small glances, long stares, or just looking’ I loved it. He made feel like I was for once, beautiful, and like I mattered to him. Those moments seemed to last for mere seconds, and they would become the highlight of my day. Secretly, I would stay up late at night, thinking of how I would get to see him, and feel right once again. But this feel right was different, it was true, it was something that I couldn’t explain. It was real this time, and it made me feel like I could carry the weight on my shoulders.

I miss the things that he would notice, and even the things that he didn’t notice. The one thing that I loved the most about what he wouldn’t notice is how I can be so clingy. It should have driven him crazy, but it didn’t. As a matter of fact, he says he wants me to be more attached. I don’t really get him sometimes, it’s like, he doesn’t act like he should. But it’s not in a bad way it’s in a good way.

I miss how he teases me. Little succulent moments where the only thing that matters is him, and he’s the only thing on my mind. The little gasps of air entering my body, only encourage him to make it worse for me. He’d lift me up into a world or pure euphoria that I couldn’t even access in my dreams. The way he knows all of the weak spots in my walls, and the way he can bring them down in a matter of minutes, of seconds, of movements, only add to my enjoyment.

I miss how his body feels against mine. He’s always so warm, so inviting. I love curling myself into his chest and letting his warmth spread over and around me. The way his hard body feels against mine, and the way he warms me up, gives me a sense of protection. I feel secure when I am with him, like no one can harm me. Like no one can touch me.

Baby, I miss you so much, I can’t wait until the next time I get to see you. You are my life, my muse, my love. Don’t ever hurt me.

Waiting

Waiting

She paced up and down the street wondering where he was. Where who was? She didn’t know. All she knew was that he was coming soon. She didn’t even know how she knew that, it was just there. She didn’t know what had compelled her to stand out in the street at that moment waiting for him. It’s just a little longer, you’ll see him. See who? Her mind was in the middle of a battle between two forces. Instinct vs. rationality. She knew it didn’t make any sense to be standing there in the middle of the night, vulnerable, but something had made her come out there. Instinct had made her, she knew it, and you can’t ignore instinct, even after all of those years of ignoring it. I don’t know why I’m even out here, this is pointless. Just wait, I swear he’s coming. The street was lit by the only lamppost in the neighborhood, and that was about to go out. The light bulb in the socket, was flickering nervously. Her mind was racing, her heart was pumping, her legs were jelly, yet she didn’t know why. All she know was she was here, waiting for him, but the rationality was starting to win the battle, but she couldn’t give up, she couldn’t leave. Not when she was so close to finding him, or he was so close to finding her. Finding who? There’s no one out there, no one coming, you might as well give up. Take one of the regular men, they’ll do just fine. He isn’t coming. She picked her stuff off of the pavement and turned to leave and go back home. NO!!! A voice shouted in her head. Her legs stopped working and she sat down on the warm asphalt. She was becoming irritated, that her instinct wouldn’t let her leave, and that her feet had stopped working. It was cold outside, and she was cold inside and outside as well. Her body was trembling from the freezing weather, and she wanted her warm bed back. Maybe she should give up, maybe this isn’t worth it. It’s too much pain to deal with. She would never find him. She heard the roar of a car and stepped onto the shoulder of the road. It went by, blasting her hair into her face. She smoothed her hair back down and started to leave. No, please don’t give up. I swear he’s coming, just a few more minutes. She didn’t listen this time. She picked up her stuff once again, and turned to walk back into her house, freezing cold. She heard footsteps coming up behind her. Inside of her, a voice sighed and said, Finally. Nevertheless, she reached into her bag to fetch her knife. She turned around to see the source of the footsteps. A silhouetted figure was coming towards her, slowly. It came upon the lamppost and stopped under it. She saw it was a man. The light flickered over him, casting an eerie shadow on his brown hair. Under the lamp, she could see it was a young man, but he had shielded his face, his identity, so she couldn’t see. Her heart was pumping so hard in her chest, she thought it would break through her ribcage. She slowly stared the young man up and down, and came to the conclusion that he wasn’t any threat. She put her knife away, and walked over to him. Careful, he can hurt you. A different voice advised. She stopped under the flickering light, in front of the man. The young woman kissed the top of his head, and pushed his chin up so she could see who he really was. He resisted at first, but finally gave into it. His head slowly came up, and the instant she saw the mans face, she knew that he was the one. She knew that the wait was over, and that he was her true love. The light stopped flickering and shone on the two as bright as ever.

A Little Something Something.

This is a little something I wrote about a couple of weeks back. Its about what I feel when I dance.

She was a good dancer, no scratch that, she was a great dancer. She had a passion for it and you could tell by the way she danced. Her whole day all she thought about was dancing, getting better, and learning now things. She loved the rush that she would get before performing in front of a crowd. Her dream was to become one of the best, and even though she knew she could never do it, she still dreamed about it all of the time.
She loves the smell of her old leather jazz shoes. She loves the way her feet felt naked when she wore them, and how everything was a little easier with the grips wore down from so much use. She can’t even describe what she feels when she’s dancing, not in words, and not even with feelings. The closest that she can get is that her heart soars, and her wings unfold to take her away when she’s even practicing.

She loves the closeness of a team. She loves the way that all of the separate minds can come together as one for a couple of minutes to show something beautiful. Every original style and every different strength coming together to form a perfect thing.

She loves the rush of performing. She loves that all of the days that she would spend on a routine would show. It would show in her body as she danced her heart out, on her face as she smiled like this was the most fun that she ever had. The rush that she would get before performing, and the sick feeling would make her love it only more. The stage would only come closer, and she would be on it, doing her best, and showing everyone what she can do. Having everyone there staring at you only made her want to do better. Only made her want to do better than she ever did before.

She loves the routines. It didn’t matter which one, she loved it. When there, you could let yourself go and clear your mind. You were forced to. If you didn’t then you messed up. Those small moments of calmness were what she looked for, what she longed for. The routine was all that mattered, it and you doing it.

But the thing the loves the most was the leaps. Every one that she did, she felt like she was flying, and she never wanted to come back down. She never wanted to put her feet back on the ground, ever. She wanted to keep going on and just fly off and toward bigger things.

She loves to dance. No one can, has, and ever will break her spirit. This is what she lives for. Nothing else matters, nothing but you, your team, and the routine.

I think I'm goint to SCREAM!!!!!

I swear I'm almost done with the sixth chapter. I just need to retype it. (I try not to feed all of you crap. ) I'm going to reread it tonight, and edit it tomorrow when I get on. Then, I will give ya'll the next chapter. I know that I've been slacking off recently, but it's been kinda hard this week for me. You know, getting ready for school and all.

Speaking of school today was the first day back for me. I've always hated the first day of school because all the teachers go over are the same old rules that you've heard every first day of school for 11 years or more. It was so boring. And everyone that I know/hang out with ended up with the SAME FREAKIN LUNCH. So we're all sitting there trying to cram, like what? 12 people into a table that sits like 6. And I'm calustrophobic! The entire time, I'm trying to hide in Julian's shoulder whispering to myself "Make them go away" trying to make them go away, cause Stephen is pratically sitting in my lap. The only reason why I didn't leave and sit somewhere else is because I can stand to sit with those people, even with us so jam packed on a table like that. It still bothered me though, because I hate crowds like that, even with friends.

Oh, but the good thing is, that I ended up with Julian in 2 of my classes, and in lunch. And then I ended up with my old english teacher. If you've ever seen Freedom Writers, you'll get a general picture of what she is like. Honestly, she could be the exact copy of that teacher off of there. I love her so much. :)

Ugh.... God save me from high school. :P

UPDATE!!!!!

I've gotten a comment recently about my story Life After. No one is supposed to know the exact location of where they are, and the date. Everything is primitive now, and no one really keeps track of anything anymore. I think that I should try to put some emphasis on that in the story, but I just wanted you all to know, that "Raski" is NOT Russia. It has recently come to my attention that it sounds dangerously close to Russia, but its not that. It is just a name that I came up out of the thin air. Honestly, to tell you the truth, I don't name things like most people do. What I do is I write this down:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I think of something that describes the place, and take the letter over/under it and write it down. Then, I rearrange them in a manner that sounds like someone can say it. :) Yea I'm kinda random like that...don't get mad.

An example maybe? Ok, sure. Lets take the word "love". L=Y O=B V=I E=R
So now we got Y-B-I-R
biry?
rbiy?
ybir?
and the list can go on and on and on... You can add letters or take some out.

Ok, an update. School is starting on Monday. I have the 6th chapter written (First draft) and I'll try to finish it before then because I'm not sure if I'm going to have much luck with typing them. Cause like I said, I write them, type them and edit them, then retype them. But I swear on Buddah, Jebus and the Holy Grail, that I will try to finish this one. I already know how I want it to end, but I'm just working on getting there. It might take me a little longer to finish this one, because I have to think of a way for her to get there. :P I only know the landscape between where Zeca is and Raski.

Now, keep in mind that this is only my first draft of this story. So, some elements are missing, and if you realize a miswording or a missing part, or something you just don't get, then tell me. I'm trying to keep this an easy read, but make some people think about things at the same time.

Thank you for reading!!!

THE NEW UNTITLED TITLE!!!

Finally! A title.

Life After.

Just Pretend That Nothing Ever Happened

Ok, so right now I've finally finished chapter four, and I will post the first part of it tomorrow. Ya'll might have to wait longer for chapters very soon. Because it takes me a few days to write, type and proofread, then retype the chapter. So I'm sorry for the delay. I will try my best to keep them coming though.

Honestly, I'm liking this one better than my first one Valdor. I just wish I knew what to call it. Maybe it would help with advertising or something, but I really wish I had a name for it.

Another song that I've been serisouly stuck on...

So, I went to church last night and saw one of my friends Christina.

She's the one on the left. I really missed her. Serisouly, I haven't seen her in like, a month. And you have to understand, I had a lot, and I mean A LOT of things to tell her. I can't really talk about it on here, because it's kinda... incriminating. ;) And all of church I ended up talking to her and getting a lot off of my mind, and out in the open. So I ended up (accidently) ignoring Julian (boyfriend of...9 months?) the entire time we were there.

Now you've got to understand, he's the only person I talk to really. I can't call Jessica, cause we think her parents record her conversations... and she's going out with this dude, which requires for her to tell him, and then he'll tell everyone else. (again INCRIMINATING) That's her down there.

And I can't really call Brianna because she's very religous and I just can't talk about certain things to her. That's her down there.

And you can't really get ahold of Christina but through text messages and half of the time, she's at work or pratice. And people can see your texts on the internet. (There's some kind of tracking thingy on the company's website.) So the only person I've talked to is a guy, and he won't listen to the "girl" things that I need to talk about. So the only person I've really sat down and talked with ALL SUMMER is Julian. Thats him. Yea... I didn't take that picture. Christina did. That's why it sucks. :)

So did I do something bad? Cause if I didn't get it out, then he would have to hear "girl" things. And some of the things were about him. *ahem.*

You Can Only Move As Fast As Who's In Front Of You

I kinda accidently stiffed yall on Untitled's second chapter today (you'll see what I mean) so I'm going to post Chapter three part one on there. but just to let you all know, I'm only on chapter 3. I've been...busy. You see, my friend let me borrow Final Fantasy X-2 so I've been playing it a lot. I don't get to play viedo games that much, so I'm enjoying this one. :)

So, I've been wondering, if you tried to put both your stories on one blog, how would you make the seperate links for it? Like have one section for one blog, and another for the other one? I'm not sure how to do any of this. I don't even know how to do layouts on here! I got them off of this website thats really cool.

So, heres another song I've been listening to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtBMF0BqDrU&feature=related

I think I've become addicted to Juno's soundtrack. I don't know why but I love songs like this, but I don't know what genre that they are called, and not many bands sing like this. So, I have no idea where to get them, or what bands sing like this.

Ok, so here's a few snow pictures that I took the one day out of the entire year that it did snow. We don't get weather like that much, so I wanted to remember it.

Photos and News

Ok, so I haven't posted in awhile. I know. But it's just that I've been working on this new story. Yea. I gave up on the Valdor one until I can figure out how its gonna end. I followed the advice of someone, and figured out the ending before I wrote it. It's about a futuristic society, where nuclear bombs killed almost everything. I haven't thought of a name for it yet. but here's the link:

http://canabalisticmonkey0.blogspot.com/

I realized that I haven't posted a few photos recently, so here's a few:

This is one of my earlier photos. I like it though.

So another first for me. I like it a lot though.

And this is my friend Samantha. This was one of those pictures that you just took and the person didn't know you were doing it. I love these! :)

Ok, now this one was funny. She had to stay like that for 5 minutes while we tried to revive my camera to take the picture.

I don't really have much to say about this one, but it turned out great. I didn't even have to work on it or anything.