*These pictures WERE NOT done by me. I got them off of a website called DeviantArt.com. These pictures are by very talented people that go by the name of Ironshod and ShadowUmbre. You can find their work on said website.*

Wounds

And even though you hurt me,

Here I am once again.

I've told you so many times baby,

I'll always be your friend.

And if only you could've seen,

The wounds I'd try to mend,

You wouldn't have set me free,

You wouldn't have left me to defend.

And I pray that we'll never,

Again have to go through this strife.

And that you will never again sever,

My heart with your cruel knife.

And even though we're back together,

And I once again feel alive,
These wounds will last forever,
And teach me to survive.

So... yea. Julian and I got back together. I'm no longer a mess. :) So that's a good thing. I think I'm going to try to post some of my new poetry on here from now on...

I love you so much....

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I got on here. I've been serisouly neglecting my blog, oops! But school has just been so hectic and all. My concentration has won me off though, my grades are pretty good for the first time in 2 years. Yea... I have a short attention span in school. =)


But reallly, you wanna know what is total bs? Ok, you remember that one guy that I went out with that showed up at school? Well, he and his girlfriend broke up, and she went through his old emails AFTER they broke up. She printed them out and asked me about this one thing that he kept on saying to me in the emails. Which was that he would love me forever, I made him promise this to me awhile back. But when he says it, he says he's still holding his promise to me, so no one will know what it means or whatever. Well, we were still talking when they (He and Her) started going out, and the first month that Julian and I got together, and it was kinda mushy stuff. >.< So this wonderful person who is no longer going out with him, prints up the emails. And you want to know what that girl did? She gave them to Julian. Yes Julian. She sent some of her preppy ass friends over to our lunch table and they shoved the emails in his face and told him to read them. The entire time, these bitches were SMILING. He said that he knew about them, and when he did, their faces fell so hard I thought they were going to hit the floor. =) But he ended up reading them anyway, because I guess he didn't know. (he said he hacked into my yahoo account and read them) And he's still with me.

I'm so happy that he's so stupid, he said that he was disappointed with me, and I'm still beating myself up for it.

But another thing that happened with this. This girl that I know, Stephanie, is a varsity cheerleader, and those people were cheerleaders. (Suprising huh?) She came up to me today and asked me what was going on, and I guess I had this "look" on, but another friend of mine came up to me, after I told Stephanie to go away in the nicest way I could manage. ("If you don't go the fuck away right now, I will punch your face in.") And the other friend said "Are you ok? You looked like you were about to kick her ass." HAHAHA, yea I was. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't standing within a foot of julian.

Hehehe... i love high school.

"I love you so much you must kill me now" -Marilyn Manson-

I'm not trying to make these things happen, I swear!!!

I swear I'm not meaning for all of this to happen.



Yesterday was the first football game of the season, and I went there to see us get our asses handed to us. So, the first 2 quarters are going good, no drama and all. Then, halftime comes and goes, and the game gets delayed because of lightning. Well, there's the drama. When the game got delayed, Julian came over and sat with me. I wanted to talk to him, but he pulled out this PSP and started playing it. Well, he didn't even LOOK at me. So I started getting pissed off, no matter what I did, he wouldn't even glance at me. I tried to get up but he wouldnt let me so I sat back down. So I'm sitting there steaming because of that. Then, these girls come up to a new friend of mine, Bridget. They start talking trash to her about how she's going out with the guy that their friend likes. It's all really stupid. So, I yell over at them, (remember, I'm pissed off at this point) "Ya'll need to get over it, he doesn't like her, so fucking move on." (ok, not just pissed off furious) Then, Julian, without looking up, elbows me in the ribs. So, now that drama is over, I move to sit with Stefen and Jessica, because I need to chill. Zack comes up to me and says "What's wrong." I point at Julian. He goes over to talk to him and comes back to me and says that I have a right to be pissed off, and that he's being an asshole. So, he lets me punch him a couple of times to get a little anger out of me. And for the first time ever, I ended up hurting the guy. So finally Julian realizes that he's being dunce, and apologizes to me, but by then I'm crying.

I made new enemies, cried in public (again), and we lost our first football game 44 to 12.

Races

Wow, so this is my last day of summer break. I hate the day before school. I get so exited and revolted at the thought of school starting that I can't sleep. I'm really going to miss being able to sit on my butt all day...

Anyways, Julian, mom, dad, and I went to the ultimate hick sport out there...the races. If yall don't know what they are. It's basically ameatuer nascar. Well, we went, and the entire time, I'm over there thinking "ok Julian has GOT to be bored or something." but no he wasn't (Amazingly). I didn't think people would like it as much as I do, but he did. Even if it is just going around in a circle.

Acatually I like the noise of it all. When the cars pass by you, they rumble your chest. I can't explain it all that well, but it's like how if you turn up the base all the way on a good stero. You know that rumble in the deepest part of your chest? I love that.

Heres a couple of good clips of Jeff Dunham, Sweet Daddy D., and Bubba J making fun of Nascar. On the first one it happens on about 1:03 (thats with bubba j.) and on the second one it happens about 5:00. But I advise you watch the whole thing through, its really funny.





Anyways, have a good day! :)

It's Chapstick, Chapped Lips, And Things Like Chemistry

Ok, so right now I'm almost finished editing the fifth chapter of Untitled, and I have the first draft for the sixth chapter as well. I still haven't thought of anything to call it, but I'm racking my brains for it. =)

School starts next monday. >.< So I'm not sure if I will be able to post as much as I do right now for a couple of weeks. It's because the first week is pretty hectic with trying to find classes, memorize your schedule, and get used to your teachers, and have things calm down. I may be able to spit out a chapter that week, but I would have to struggle to do it, and I'm not sure I want to struggle because I did with Valdor and look where that got me. But if you want me to send you an email whenever I post a chapter after school starts, just email me (mine's on my profile) and tell me what you want me to do.

I know somebody is gonna wanna shoot me for this, but I want school to start realllllllllllllllllllllllllllly badly. It's gotten so boring out here that I have nothing to do, but get online and hope for comments on my story, or on here. The only thing that's holding me back is what if I don't get to see Julian when it starts? Yea, yea, yea, I know. It's typical teeenage girl stuff, but I don't think I could deal with not seeing him all day, and we'll (well, I know I will) be too tired to do anything on the weekend, so I'm kinda worried about that.

You know, ever since I was in the eighth grade, I wanted to switch schools. I've always wanted to go to another place and start over, cauze honestly, my friends arn't the nicest ones out there. You have to be USED to the way they talk, but they're true friends. It's kinda wierd in another sense too. We communicate mostly through physical things, not things like talking or anything, we just mess around. Yea, I hate being social, which is why I fit in there best, but they can just be so... rude sometimes that it depresses me.

I first started feeling like this in the eighth grade when I had no one to talk to. And now I feel like this because I don't like the people that I hang out with sometimes. And what is holding me back you say? Well, somebody abandoned me in my freshman year at school, and I mean I really loved him. Even now, when I look back on it, I know we had something different than others around us, we were truly in love with each other. But anyways back to the reason, well he dropped out of school and left me there by myself, and I couldn't call him because of my parents not liking him, so I was depressed for months. I really don't even remember what happened in that span, because I was so gone. (Yea, drama drama drama) But ever since then, I've had this abandoning issue with boyfriends, I can't and won't leave them like he left me.

Is that wierd?

Just Pretend That Nothing Ever Happened

Ok, so right now I've finally finished chapter four, and I will post the first part of it tomorrow. Ya'll might have to wait longer for chapters very soon. Because it takes me a few days to write, type and proofread, then retype the chapter. So I'm sorry for the delay. I will try my best to keep them coming though.

Honestly, I'm liking this one better than my first one Valdor. I just wish I knew what to call it. Maybe it would help with advertising or something, but I really wish I had a name for it.

Another song that I've been serisouly stuck on...

So, I went to church last night and saw one of my friends Christina.

She's the one on the left. I really missed her. Serisouly, I haven't seen her in like, a month. And you have to understand, I had a lot, and I mean A LOT of things to tell her. I can't really talk about it on here, because it's kinda... incriminating. ;) And all of church I ended up talking to her and getting a lot off of my mind, and out in the open. So I ended up (accidently) ignoring Julian (boyfriend of...9 months?) the entire time we were there.

Now you've got to understand, he's the only person I talk to really. I can't call Jessica, cause we think her parents record her conversations... and she's going out with this dude, which requires for her to tell him, and then he'll tell everyone else. (again INCRIMINATING) That's her down there.

And I can't really call Brianna because she's very religous and I just can't talk about certain things to her. That's her down there.

And you can't really get ahold of Christina but through text messages and half of the time, she's at work or pratice. And people can see your texts on the internet. (There's some kind of tracking thingy on the company's website.) So the only person I've talked to is a guy, and he won't listen to the "girl" things that I need to talk about. So the only person I've really sat down and talked with ALL SUMMER is Julian. Thats him. Yea... I didn't take that picture. Christina did. That's why it sucks. :)

So did I do something bad? Cause if I didn't get it out, then he would have to hear "girl" things. And some of the things were about him. *ahem.*