I know your worth it...

I need a hug. Just today... it sucks. Big time. Everything feels so confusing right now, I mean I want to see, but I don't want to see them. I have such a good thing going right now, and I don't want to screw it up, but still I can't help but wonder what is/could be...

"What use is it to you, what is on my mind?"

Day 4

Jeez... mom and I totally got into it last night. I think it's cause of the crap that's been going on at school and all, but still. I hated it, I mean, it was the absolute WORST fight we have had in a looong time. As it turns out, we have some problems with me taking the college classes. The books are totally unaffordable, or thats what it feels like at least, and I've been really busy since school started. Monday I went to spirit night, Tuesday I went to try to get a job and picked up Julian to come over, Wednesday I went to a dentist appointment and then to church. (I have 6 cavities, and oddly, I feel proud of myself.) But I really hate how school and jobs put so much stress on the home life, it's like everything has become so hard and it's not so easy to get along with people at the house.

Did I mention that tomorrow is the first football game? I'm super stoked about that, but I'm sure my ex will be there again, and I'll have to treat him like crap or Jules will get mad, and me and Jules will fight, like normal. I really hate the way that I treat him, but I can't help it. 

Day 3

So it's about 3 days into the school year and I'm starting to calm down. Yesterday I had a total breakdown and started to cry. Yea, I know, I'm a crybaby, but I couldn't help it. I'm getting used to the new school, it has it's advantages and its downsides as well. For example, we have stairs, and I have a big problem with stairs that has already been proven in front of the whole school. O.o I totally busted my ass on them the very first day, but on the upside, there are much, MUCH, better school facilities now. I knew the old school better and it felt like my home, but here we have a kick butt auditorium. There, you knew where every single class was and you weren't lost or disoriented all the time, (sometimes I will forget that I am on the second floor because both the first and second floors are in the same layout) and here, we have more classes and have more opportunities to learn. There wasn't a second floor there, (did I happen to mention that?) and here its so much cleaner.

But about the breakdown, it's just typical teenage crap but Monday I saw my ex, at Spirit Night and it totally stressed Julian out, which in turn, stressed me out. (btw he HATES that guy) I fell down the stairs, got lost about 3 times, got griped out for something stupid by my mom, and just had to deal with a buttload of people that I just don't like. Then Tuesday, I got the wonderful experience of reliving the wonderful case of the Mondays, because I had to air up my tires since they don't seem to like to function correctly, and do lots of junk the night before so I probably got maybe 3 hours of sleep. I had to deal with people I JUST DON'T LIKE, got lost, got stressed out cause of my books (we haven't ordered them yet) and got in a fight with Julian, (for the second day in a row which isn't surprising) and I didn't get to do everything that needed to be done yesterday... but the good thing is: I got a yearbook. :D

Ooh baby I'm a fool for you.

So... I got my check in earlier. It's for $55 and I can't wait to cash it. It's my first paycheck ever, and even if it's not a lot, I'm happy. That means I don't have to bug my parents for money for a bit. YAY! It only took a couple of weeks to get here too! O.o Right now, I figure my employer owes me $40 now. He won't send me another check till I do one more assignment for him though. Every five cards/whatever I make he sends me a check. I still have to do another thing that can be done right now and he could send me the money, but I just don't wanna! (In case you can't tell, I'm lazy as Sid) 

School is starting on Monday. I can't seem to wait for that now. Every year I get so hyped up on going back that I can't sleep. I think I'm going to make a trip to the local pharmacy and pick up some sleeping medication. I don't want to go to school on 2 hours of sleep and a mesely cup of coffee/Monster. I am looking forward to this new school year for many reasons:

1.) I have Dr. Sue this year again. I'm taking web page design.

2.) I'm taking 3 college courses 

3.) I might have two jobs

4.) We have a new school.

5.) I got a cute wardrobe that doesn't make me look like I'm in the 8th grade. :D

6.) I get out two periods early

7.) I get to see Julian every day!

Well, there a couple of things in there that I AM  worried about, but I am excited about them as well. Like the two jobs and the college courses. This will be my busiest year I have ever done, and I have found out recently that I LOVE to be busy. Wanna know why? Because when I am out doing things, I eat less. A lot less, it's like, in all the excitement, I forget to eat. Isn't that weird? But I am totally looking forward to a new school, our old one wasn't fit to let terrorists live in there, and that's pretty bad. I know this sounds so... poorish but we are gonna have a two story school. I've always wanted to have a school like that, but with the immature idiots that live in this town, more that one person will be pushed down them. I guess that's why we never really had one before...

And another thing: I will have time to work IN school, because of Dr. Sue. He gives us like, 20-30 minutes of work a day and then we get to do whatever. Last year I took his Photoshop class and look where it got me. I have a job doing what I love to do: Photoshop stuff. So I can get my work done IN school, and get out early cause I'm in the Work Co-Op program.

1. College English

2. College Algebra

3. College Economics

4. Webpage Design

5. Personal Finance

6. Work Co-op? / Applied Music

7. Nothing? / Work Co-op

8. Nothing

That's my schedule for next year the question marks are the changes the counseler should be making to my schedule cause I talked to her about it. If I want out for two hours then I have to have more than 15 hours a week of work. For one hour at least 10.

Well, I have to go now, Julian's coming over and I kinda don't want to put this before him, so see ya!

It's almost like it never happened... I wish!

I'm going to go see G.I. Joe tonight with my Julian. I can't wait really just seeing him makes me happy. Well, sometimes. We have a typical teenage relationship right now. Lots of fights and all. It makes me sad that we can't seem to get along all too well, and it makes me think that we don't belong together. Like God is trying to tell me something. We do get along about 45% of the time, but most we just fight. I think it's cause of our hormones right now, our personalities don't match up right, and I'm just mad at him all the time. You see I have trust issues and every time that I have started to believe that I can trust him, something happens and it destroys everything that I was thinking. It's happened two times before: he left me for another girl, and he broke a serious promise to me. But I'm seriously trying to forgive him and forget about her, because all that she has done is drive a wedge in between me and him and make it hard for me to trust him. (She was involved in both cases) And she moved away recently so I guess it should be better, but I'm still mad at him for it, and I can't stop being mad because we were actually getting along. I mean for about two weeks we hadn't fought! Not even once, and that's a really big accomplishment for both of us, and then this little succubus came along and destroyed it. I pray that one day I can forgive her for what she has done, and that I can learn to love her as I do everyone else, that I can forgive him and myself.

Wow, I totally started to ramble in this one...

Stuff

Woo hoo!

So the new school year is starting in about 4 days. I will be a senior in a new high school, and I'm so looking forward to it. I am taking 3 college courses at the school and will be upholding two jobs!!! One possibly at a grocery store and another with my mothers cousin, and you'll never guess what it is for... graphic designing! It's the one of the things that I wanted to go to college for and I'm already doing it. Well, it's more of a business card creating type thing but I'm still excited about it. It's what I love to do.

I've had pretty much a full week too. Completely busy!
Monday: Came home from school clothes shopping with my aunt.
Tuesday: Julian came over, I had to buy my own gas :P, and mailed a letter.
Wednesday: Car battery died on me cause I left the stupid light on inside of it, charged it, went to Ennis for groceries, stopped by Jack In The Box, went to church, came home and worked, then worked on moms car till 1.

And today I have to go to Terrell to sign up for classes at TVCC . My mom can't go with me, which was the original plan, but she can't come because she can't be more than thirty minutes away from the hospital since she is on call right now.

350.org

Dream

My whole gallery can be found here: http://canabalisticmonkey.deviantart.com/

Please, Please, respect me and all the hard work that I put into this and credit me if you use this, which to tell you the truth, I would rather you not use it at all....

HELLO

So.... I know I haven't been on here in awhile but whatever. This is for when I feel like writing anyway. So... I turn 17 in a few days... ok more like 2 days but whatever, it's not like I've been counting them....

I've decided that since I haven't worked on my Life After blog in awhile, I'm going to turn it into a place for me to put my digital art on there. Yes, I have been working on my digital art recently. It has gotten so much better too! So, I hope you enjoy it! Or maybe I should put it on here.... I think I will... but first I have to put my name on them....